Fun Jottings | Love in the Fast Lane: Navigating Relationships with Wisdom from Legal Luminaries

In a refreshing departure from the usual, we're taking a moment to explore the lighter side of law and life. Join me as I delve into the hearts and minds behind the gavels and briefs, offering a unique blend of personal tales, wisdom, and wit from within the legal fraternity. It's our way of showing that there's more to the legal profession than statutes and case law—there's laughter, love, and life lessons too.

In 2020, I seized the opportunity to ask Mr Jyoti Sagar, Founder of J. Sagar Associates and K&S Partners, about relationships, spurred by an endearing tale about his journey to finding his life partner. The story goes that Ms Prema Sagar, renowned as one of Asia’s most influential public relations personalities, fled home to marry him. Did Mr. Sagar's legal acumen play a role in persuading her? And what advice does he offer the next generation of lawyers when it comes to matters of the heart?

He spoke highly of his better half, Ms Prema Sagar “Prema is one of the veterans of the public and media relations space—in India, Asia, and globally. She is an incredible leader and is one of the icons of the modern public and media relations consulting profession. She has great entrepreneurial spirit—even while she was bringing up the children, she always had things that she did on the side. She started her true professional career after the kids had grown up a bit. Starting as a solo from an extra room in my first office, she built her practice to one of the largest in the country within a period of 15 years.” 

In a reflective tone, he recounted the early days of their relationship, and reminisced, “I am very proud of her. To go back to history, we met at our workplace—the law firm where I worked; we fell madly in love and decided to get married. I was just 23 and she was just a few months short of that. We have been mavericks and outliers in many ways—so wedding was no different. We invited our respective sets of parents to a civil wedding that we hosted in our newly rented house. My parents came, hers did not, but her younger brother attended the ceremony. We had 30 close friends and family at our ceremony—in all it cost us a grand sum of Rs.235/- with tea and coffee and three snacks for the guests. And you know what, all was well with my parents-in-law within a few weeks of the wedding. I had a great and loving relationship with them and their support throughout.” 

“So my advice to youngsters in this matter is—follow your heart, do not worry about social conventions; pomp and show and opulent curated weddings are wholly unnecessary and wasteful (and no guarantee that you will have a happy married life!); never forget that you and your life partner are truly partners who have to give not only mutual respect but space to each other for personal and professional growth; live below your means; and maintain a balanced life—I am not a fan of the expression “work-life balance”. That makes an artificial distinction between work and life. Work is life too. But it must be balanced with other pleasures, duties, and commitments in our lives. That is why I prefer the expression “Balanced Life”.”

Mr Jyoti Sagar’s relationship advice is one for the ages. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing your life partner as a true ally, necessitating the provision of both mutual respect and room for each other's personal and professional development. He also advocates for living within one's financial capabilities and pursuing a balanced life while sharing his discontent for the often negatively connoted phrase 'work-life balance'.
 

You might wonder, how exactly does one strike this balance in a high-pressure, high-stress profession? How do you ensure your work is not impacted by your personal problems or that your work problems don't get carried home? Seeking expert insight, I consulted Keerat Kular, a former lawyer who has since transitioned into the role of a psychotherapist, for guidance on navigating this delicate balance. To my relief, Kular quickly alleviated my concerns, asserting, "It is a myth that life doesn’t impact work or vice versa."
 

The reality is a delicate dance of balance, where the synergy between work and personal life isn’t just important, it’s imperative. At the heart of it all, key to thriving in these pressure-cooker environments is facing your vulnerability—a concept often masked by bravado, yet in truth, it's a formidable source of power and strength. This vulnerability, when shared between partners, transforms relationships, allowing each to be seen and understood. It's about navigating conflicts with empathy, patience, and a willingness to compromise—qualities often overlooked in the rush of high-stress jobs.

Kular explains that while we're taught to lead life with a façade, to keep our struggles hidden, it only leads to isolation. Opening up, being genuine about our challenges, and sharing our true selves can bridge gaps in more ways than one. Communication becomes the linchpin; it's about more than just speaking—it's about truly listening, validating, and empathizing with one another's perspectives. We often fall into the trap of thinking, ‘My spouse/partner should just know,’ but this assumption can lead to misinterpretations, fueled by the influx of unsaid thoughts and emotions. Effective communication, therefore, is about attributing behaviors to situations rather than personality, a crucial step in fostering understanding and connection.
 
 

Your partner isn't backing out on you; they're backing out on the plans because, frankly, their profession doesn't leave them much of an option. Hearing firsthand from Kritika Krishnamurthy and Anuroop Omkar, a dynamic lawyer duo and college sweethearts who have taken their partnership from the halls of law school to running their own law firm, offers invaluable insights into managing both a professional and personal relationship. They share, "We both are very different people from the teenagers who started dating in law school. What has helped us is the fact that we communicate excessively. Unless we have not objectively hyper-analyzed every argument in our fight, we can't sleep. We also happen to be trained negotiators and mediators, which helps but doesn't make it easy. Also, as people, we are very invested to be with each other in the long haul. We have rallied through very long stretches of bad patches in our relationship without giving up, and it has made us more realistic and grateful. I buy myself flowers on V Day, and he takes us on unplanned vacations (which he likes).” Their story is a testament to the power of communication, negotiation, and unwavering commitment in navigating the complexities of a shared life and career.

Coming back to my conversation with Kular that led to another fascinating reminder: the principles of empathy, patience, and openness, typically confined to HR and management contexts, hold profound relevance in personal relationships as well. This conversation underscored the universality of these values, highlighting that at their essence, the strength of both professional and personal connections hinges on a mutual willingness to embrace vulnerability, engage in meaningful communication, and acknowledge and respect each other's perspectives. 

This revelation serves as a powerful life lesson that work influences life, and life influences work, and that's perfectly okay. It's all part of the beautiful complexity of being human.

Here's wishing a Happy 14th of February to all our lawyers, for whom today might just be another Wednesday in the office­—may your briefs be brief, so you can get home early.